I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can I color on your dick again?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
