the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
