i don't like sucking hair
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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