I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
