dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
