we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
