What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
