we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
