Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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