FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
