What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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