So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
