two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
