It's like a parade of train wrecks.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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