it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
