I want to stick my p in your. b.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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