What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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