Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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