Slut skills are useful in every country.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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