whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Randomize
