Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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