the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
