In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
