When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
