My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
