So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
