So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
