I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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