there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
