I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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