If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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