Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
