Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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