I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
