420 ftw
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
