Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
