How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
