he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
