i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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