Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
