i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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