We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
