i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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