I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
that may or may not have been my penis.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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