Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
