Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
