Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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