he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
