you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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