im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
