I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
